Just do it

If you want to achieve or complete something in our short life's then just go out and start doing it; start learning how to do it and do it. I have a uncanny ability to get shit done, but I am also extremely "lazy" and selective as to what I want to put my effort into. That is probably why I appear to be lazy, i just haven't found something to put my energy into, consistently. I used to make real money off of Minecraft when I was just a wee child. I used to put effort into learning python, I used to do different things.

I am going to start doing more things. I feel like cancelling my TV/media subscriptions (except spotify) because I feel like all I do is watch things. I am going to start learning Unreal Engine 4 again, I am going to begin learning python again, and I am going to go to the gym. I've recently bought the python humble bundle which has given me some good resources to begin python again. I am going to re watch and finish the unreal engine 4 tutorials I began but never finished.

I don't want to be stuck doing a job that I don't particularly actually like, or can't develop my full potential. I have some thinking to do as to what I want to do for a career, because right now I don't really know what I want to do. I have some ideas and a broad goal of what I want to achieve, but nothing specific. I want my own company; doing anything really, but I'd prefer it to be technology/game/software design related. To achieve this I need to build up my skills and develop a portfolio of what I' capable of.

I seriously need to start saving money. But i barely make any money at all so I need to get a better job. I will start putting even more effort into finding a job, but I'm not going to take a job like McDonald's. I have some dignity.

I need to do so many things in life but there's so little time. I need to live life to the fullest. And right now I am definitely not doing that. I can change but it has to be right now, this day, this moment.

Inspiration

I don't know what to write about, so I'm going to write about the things I could write about and hope this gives me inspiration at a later date. 

- My 18th Birthday extravaganza where a radiator was pulled off the wall, 2 cases of balloons were ordered and cocktails galore happened.

- Psychosis and how I became too anxious to leave my house, heard things that weren't real and thought I was a psychic.

- Why job searching and the dole is deeply flawed in our society.

- Me & Alcohol, a true love story. I could spend all night reminising about how drunk i've been on occasions.

- Me & the herb, where I practically became a personal baker for a client, and nearly began a baking empire.

- The sesh life, because i've been living in it for the past 3 years.

Love

Theresa May's love for wheat fields.

Love. Connection. Feelings. Something all of us need in life; but something not everyone will be able to experience. I have never been completely head over toes in love, but I've felt something close to it; so i think. It's hard to describe in words, it's a feeling. It's many feelings. It's running "through a field of wheat" and simultaneously getting stabbed in the heart. Love is cruel but love is love. Everyone should be able to love someone and have them love you back. Loving someone in a one directional flow isn't productive and only hurts and brings pain. We've all thought we've loved someone only to find out that they don't reciprocate your feelings. In that kind of situation you feel like you're fucked and can't stop questioning yourself as to why they don't. 

Relationships.

Love should be something that has developed over time, naturally and without interference. Not rushed into, with more than 2 people in the relationship so to speak. Not that I'm against polyamorous relationship's. I'd say I'm interested in them actually. Anyways, I feel that i flourish more and are more productive when I am in a relationship. I'm generally more happy and want to improve myself. I want to be the best person I could be for my significant other. Because when someone who likes me enough to want to be with me, I feel special and want to make them feel special too. When I'm out of a relationship I turn into a phat gobshite that is borderline depressed, borderline psychotic and quite lazy. I've been stuck in the gobshite phase for like 3 years now. Not to say I've not had any action for 3 years though hahaha. God I need to get out more and find someone that likes me. And that's my problem. I don't get out enough to meet these potential boyfriend or girlfriends. For me how I look along with my anxiety plays a huge part in "love". I thought I was fat when I had my last relationship, but look at me now; If i were to be swimming in the sea off Japan they'd come and start whale fishing for me.

Love for Country.

There's a different type of love too though. Love for your fellow bretherine, love of a sister or a brother. Or love for the country you love. I'd describe the difference between the types of loves as to where you would get stabbed on your body. Love for a significant other would be getting stabbed in the heart, but love for brother/sister would be in your back, and love for a friend would be stabbed in the stomach etc etc. They are all painful but only certain ones would kill you if the love were to be broken.

From a question i heard on a podcast.

What would I do if I were Prime Minister? 

First of all, let's forget brexit is even happening; I don't want to go down that rabbit hole today.

Police State? 

I would create a single national police force but give regional police commissioners the power to do what they think will work to reduce crime in their district, as long as it doesn't interfear with the national police guidelines. I would legalise weed, and have reviews into the scheduling of other narcotics with the view that regulation is better than criminalization. I would make every officer wear a bodycam to protect themselves and the public. I would also issue out more tazer training and tazers to more officers. I would give police the power to stop and search people that they suspect of committing or about to commit a crime. I would increase CCTV cameras and kit out the national police force with the latest equipment.
The police budget would obviously be increased to cope with all this. Cut the foreign aid budget by 100%. That outta free up aproximately £14billion. But replace it with a new system of aid for commonwealth countries that aren't that well off.

Hopes.

I would try to make our society generally a more safer place to be, a more liberal society where people look let the silly troubles that have them locked in the dark ages; issues such as racism, homophobia, and gender equality.
A culture inspired by science. A society that actually cares about people. Something that people would be proud to be a part of.
If i were Prime Minister I would launch a new emphasis on space exploration and colonization. I don't think enough is being done by our country, let alone the world in this matter.
I would invest a hell of a lot more in social services. A properly funded and staffed NHS is a priority and a neccesity. Decent end of life care for the elders of society or those unfortunate enough to an early departure from our world.
I would fund programs to give people something to do, not just programs for the youth but programs for adults and elders.

Teenagers and what to do with them.

I would give all 16 year olds, once they had finished their general education, the choice between 2 years of either: military service with a focus on education, and no live-combat, or an apprenticeship in any sector you want. Apprenticeships would also actually be worth it. I would pay apprenticeships £1 less than the national mininum wage instead of more than half.
At age 18 after either military service or an apprenticehip is up you would then have to choose between studying a degree at university that takes 3 years, joining the army, doing a higher level apprenticeship for 2 years, or a normal apprenticeship for 2 years. Once you have completed your option, you would then be free to do whatever you want, go on the dole if you become unemployed, go back to university.

Lost at sea with only promises, no life-line and no purpose.

Lost at Sea.

Let me start you with a quote I wrote back in November 2016. "I need to find ways to express myself better. These days I often find myself 'not knowing as much as i should have un the past.' I feel as if i've forgotten how to fully express myself and explain myself. I feel kind of lost" Almost three years later and this quote still speaks to me. I do not know how to express myself properly. I sometimes feel like I am this chaotic atom trapped, bouncing of the walls of its prison, just building up more energy before I blow. I've tried talking to a psychologist, and things did start to improve, but I no longer see my therapist.

A Life-line.

I have found joy in the little things in life. For those those that don't know me, I was the dishes in an independent Cafe at weekends; and sometimes throughout the week when I am needed. I live to serve people, I find the most joy in seeing other people happy. It makes me all warm & fuzzy on the inside. I've worked in the cafe for the past 4 days straight now, and that made me happy for different reasons. First one is that Im making some money, second reason was I was able to help someone who needed my help (taking a cover shift on short notice). I do throughly enjoy working at this cafe, the staff are amazing and the food is to die for. However it's not what I want to be doing long-term. Ideally I would be self employed creating games or anything else that made me some money. But this isn't an ideal world. 

Promises.

We all make promises that we can't keep, either intentionally or unintentionally. Why do we do this? It only brings pain and sadness to people. Why do people also keep falling for false promises? I'd honestly love an answer because all i've got right now is that you love them and you hope that it wont be a false promise. 

Purpose.

What is the purpose of Life? I don't have a bloody clue. But life is what you make of it, so you can define your own purpose. If you want to dedicate your life and purpose to what makes you happy then you should be able to. Free from discrinination, free from persucution, free from family obligations. If it weren't for family obligations I would have been starting University around now. But it's okay, i've got time to wait. Im still young.