Lost at sea with only promises, no life-line and no purpose.

Lost at Sea.

Let me start you with a quote I wrote back in November 2016. "I need to find ways to express myself better. These days I often find myself 'not knowing as much as i should have un the past.' I feel as if i've forgotten how to fully express myself and explain myself. I feel kind of lost" Almost three years later and this quote still speaks to me. I do not know how to express myself properly. I sometimes feel like I am this chaotic atom trapped, bouncing of the walls of its prison, just building up more energy before I blow. I've tried talking to a psychologist, and things did start to improve, but I no longer see my therapist.

A Life-line.

I have found joy in the little things in life. For those those that don't know me, I was the dishes in an independent Cafe at weekends; and sometimes throughout the week when I am needed. I live to serve people, I find the most joy in seeing other people happy. It makes me all warm & fuzzy on the inside. I've worked in the cafe for the past 4 days straight now, and that made me happy for different reasons. First one is that Im making some money, second reason was I was able to help someone who needed my help (taking a cover shift on short notice). I do throughly enjoy working at this cafe, the staff are amazing and the food is to die for. However it's not what I want to be doing long-term. Ideally I would be self employed creating games or anything else that made me some money. But this isn't an ideal world. 

Promises.

We all make promises that we can't keep, either intentionally or unintentionally. Why do we do this? It only brings pain and sadness to people. Why do people also keep falling for false promises? I'd honestly love an answer because all i've got right now is that you love them and you hope that it wont be a false promise. 

Purpose.

What is the purpose of Life? I don't have a bloody clue. But life is what you make of it, so you can define your own purpose. If you want to dedicate your life and purpose to what makes you happy then you should be able to. Free from discrinination, free from persucution, free from family obligations. If it weren't for family obligations I would have been starting University around now. But it's okay, i've got time to wait. Im still young.